Of pigs and thongs

I can't help but recommend everyone to read this perfect summary of the current internet music situation. And anyone who knows children should probably have access to this wonderful book. I am impressed by Teller Speaks. Clearly he should spend more time communicating with words. Today featured the gift of a fabulous very long scarf and the gift of some posh bubbly. I am greatly pleased by the scarf and its malleability; the bubbly may pose some problems as I'm not generally a fan (many brands of champers taste like nothing more than over-fizzed cat wee, I find) so I think cocktails may be in order, just to be safe. After all, I appreciate the gift and want to enjoy it too! There was also the excitement of getting some David Bowie LPs to play on an antiquated hi-fi and a pair of comedy Christmas pants - well, a thong - modelled by someone of the wrong gender:

There may be a giant chocolate Santa stuffed in there somewhere, but it's really best NOT to ask. Ben gave me a Christmas Hamper a few days ago. This contained, rather than the traditional hamper fare, a range of Gluten-Free Things: Jaffa Cakes, pasta, pizza bases, stuffing mix, mock-oatcakes, chocolate cake... YUM! I proceeded to make full use of the pizza bases today. Sauce mix comprised: Tomato Puree; Tomato Sauce; Lemon Juice; Finely Chopped Olives; Finely Chopped Jalapeños; Black Pepper; Garlic Granules; Paprika; Bisto Best Roast Onion Gravy Granules; Soy Sauce; Water. I also made some toast-pizza things for the glutenophiles, but they didn't get a scrumptious topping of cheap tinned tuna. In other news, black is the new black,the world's still going to hell in a handbasket (which makes no sense but sounds frightful!), I suspect vinegar may be to blame for my occasional skin oversensitivity (not necessarily gluten-vinegar, either) and taking cold clothes out of a cold tumble drier is just as bad as taking warm clothes out of a warm tumble drier is good.

Beware of Live Traffic and of sales

A day of repeatedly bumping into Stephen and Joe, even when we were meant to not be in the same place. I think they're stalking me or something.

I don't know what LIVE TRAFFIC is. Is it unusual? Does Edinburgh have a problem with DEAD TRAFFIC usually? or UNDEAD TRAFFIC perhaps? H&M provided some cheap pants. Pants, incidentally, I use to mean underwear rather than trousers. Because us Scots are funny that way. Or rather, because other people are weird and can't use one word to mean only one thing. I discovered a few years ago that Ollie an His Kin(d) use pants to mean either underwear or trousers, which is just TOO CONFUSING. If only it had stopped at pants. Schuh had some nice CAT shoes which, since shoes were my goal of the day, I purchased. TICK! Fat Face is where it all went wrong. I was in there about ten days ago and saw a lovely grey winter jacket for £STUPID. I pawed at it and then left; my current winter coat has been with me since C&A were not yet closed (never mind demolished, rebuilt and opened as H&M/Maxx) and it really needed replacing but not that much. I'm a skinflint! Oh, but today they had removed £50 from the total of £STUPID and so I was dilemma-ed. And there was a really nice top that hung on me like a baggy top rather than a top which is hanging because it's large, reduced to £8.00! Alas, this t-shirt should not have been reduced. They offered to give it to me for half price, £13.75, but it seemed less of a bargain. The problem was that, as it wasn't on the Reduced list and the tag had fallen off then they couldn't charge me what it was labelled. Even when I grabbed another one with the same price. Eventually we found another in the same size and raised an eyebrow before they gave in. Hurrah! Why is it that the jacket is size L and, other than the sleeves being a touch short for my Mr Tickle arms, it fits perfectly BUT the t-shirt from the same shop which fits similarly is an XXL? Who knows?

We then had coffee with the boys and Stephen's family. Lewis appears to be inexorably drawn to me, presumably because I loathe attention-seeking children and attempt to injure them whenever possible. N.B. Blogger does not allow an ampersand in the tags. WHY?